One of the surest ways to predict future success in someone’s life is in observing the ways they treat people. Just as you observe others, you also need to develop self-awareness in this vital area and ask yourself how well you are doing.
We naturally defer to our own interests, our point of view and personal experiences and often miss the opportunity to make a connection with others who are different. Even worse, we may treat them in ways that display a lack of care, understanding, and attention.
I struggle daily with this self-centered reality. It shows up in my relationships with my wife and adult children and others in my sphere of influence. My redemption comes by recognizing this is not how I want to behave and that I can develop an “others-centered” life orientation.
I am grateful to observe and learn from others who are further along in this quest. Their interest and openness is magnetic and makes me and others want to be around them. This particular trait may actually be the most attractive quality we humans can express.
Core Values for Other- Orientation.
Empathy– Simply put, empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another. Identify with the person’s situation, see through their eyes. Empathy can be increased through active listening, perceptive feedback, and open-ended and curious questions.
Get to know their story– You may know the general profile of a person. To be “others-centered” you will want to hear their story. A person’s story is the narrative of how they see life and how their beliefs were shaped. In this type of knowing, you enter their world with all its ups and downs.
Treat them as a priority – Armed with empathy and their story, you can give consistent and helpful communication that anticipates what a person will need. When you do this, people experience a personal touch and feel that they matter. You show priority by being present and attentive.
Be Intentional –To build a powerful connection with people, you need to be intentional in these ways:
Proactive- “I’ve thought about you and anticipated what you need/like.”
Consistent – “You can rely on my attention when I am with you.”
Timely– “I remember details about you and insert them into my schedule/calendar.”
Exceeds expectations – Everyone loves (good) surprises. And really a surprise is just getting something unexpectedly that delights you. My wife is a master of this. She will buy something for a friend or family member simply because she knows them and what they like. The look of amazement and joy for that little something extra is priceless.
Coaching moment:
Think of a time when someone exhibited putting you first. Remember what they did and how it made you feel.
Practice one or more of these values with someone this week.
What values would you add to this list?